Far too often we find ourselves settling for less then we deserve. Many times we get caught up in the notion of what we think happiness is and the crazy mixed up idea of what we think love is. I believe that part of our problem and yes, I said OUR, (because I too am guilty of settling for less) is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not fitting the status quo. I also give part of it to hope. We let the little tiny glimmer of hope allow us to push our common sense towards the back burner. We allow hope to muzzle our most God given, innate power. Our intuition. The inner self that tells us that something is wrong. Tells us to walk away. That voice that tells us we are better than this. That we deserve more. It’s time! It’s time for us to stop sugar coating the obvious. The truth is right in our face.
How many of you found yourself in a relationship where you were done wrong? He/She lied. They cheated and made you feel insecure. Made you second guess yourself, broke your trust, had you fighting for their attention and/or love. 🙋🏾Despite your better judgement you took them back. Hoping they wouldn’t do it again. Thinking this time things will be better. It would be different. They will see that you are all that they need. Feeling special because they picked you over the other one. That the relationship will work because they came back to you. They said that they were sorry, told you they loved you and promised to be a changed and better man/woman. Convinced you that some how it wasn’t their fault but instead it was your fault. You were too clingy. You nagged them too much. They needed space. Y’all didn’t talk enough. Maybe if you would of gave them more sex or were a little freakier they wouldn’t have needed to step out on you. You should of showed them more attention or made them feel special and a bunch of other hubba bubba bullshit. Someone please explain to me how in the hell their wrongs became your fault. 🤔 I’ll wait……..
Then you have the apologetic ones who tell you how sorry they are. How they fucked up but they are only human and you shouldn’t hold them to it because it was a mistake. Blah blah blah. You got the hallmark saying ones. “But baby I love you” “It was only one time” “They meant nothing to me, it was just sex” ” I’m in love with you, I didn’t know then but now I do” “I was tricked” “I was drunk” ” I tried to fight it but i fucked up” ” You gotta forgive me because you love me” “You need me” etc. etc…. You get the gist of it.
At some point in our lives we have all been there. Our minds know it’s complete bullshit. We know we should walk away. We know they are not good for us. That eventually they will hurt us again. Instead of using our instinct we let our hearts and emotions take over. Hoping that this time around it will be different. Hoping that they will love us as much as we love them. Hoping that they will choose us in the end. Letting our fear of being alone and having to start over take the wheel. Not wanting the other person to win. Not wanting to throw away all that we have worked for all that we have built. Holding on to those memories of the better days and the good times. Looking for a way to get back to the simpler days hoping that the man/ woman you originally fell for would resurface again. Think that maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.
The truth is it’s not your fault. There wasn’t anything you could have done better. You were enough. Your where good enough. You held your part of the bargain up. Truth is they fucked up. It was entirely their fault. Now this is not what love is supposed to be. Love does not hurt, lie, cheat, steal, or disrespect you. No you don’t accidentally cheat on someone you love. There are way too many steps in cheating for it to be an accident. At any point they could of stoped changed their minds and walked away. Like Toni Braxton said in a song “love should have brought you home last night” True apologies are not forced and do not come when backed against the wall. Would they have stoped or apologized if they were not caught or if you hadn’t of left? Why, did you have to cry, scream, threaten to leave or left for them to finally realize?
Many times it is easier to hate and place the blame on the stranger than it is to directed it towards the person you love. Remember who you made your commitment with. Remember who you placed your love and trusted in. You spent all your love, trust, time, and body in that person. They were responsible for the gifts you entrusted in them. No one else but them. The other woman/man or side chic/nigga did not betray you and owes you nothing, but your woman/man they owed you everything. They chose to jeopardize the relationship. Grown people can not be forced into cheating. One of the greatest gifts from God was the gift of free will. Not even God himself wants to control us. So a man/woman will do what he/she wants to do regardless of it all. Don’t allow them to give you the bare minimum. You deserve it all. Go big or go home!
Now I’m not here to judge anyone or to tell anyone what to do. Sometimes second chances work out. Sometimes they did learn there lesson and has seen the light. But, 9 times outta 10 that’s not the case and I’m not here to sell you a fairytale. I’m here to throw some cold water in your face and say wake the hell up. You deserve so much more. You deserve true happiness and real love. Know your worth and stop wasting your time on the WRONG ONE before the RIGHT ONE passes you by. Focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be. Take the mute button off your Inner You and listen. DON’T SETTLE for less.