As a female, as a mother of two boys, and a person who deals with children I feel I must speak on this. Let me be clear to distinguish what this particular blog will be about. In no way am I talking about abusive men who use their physical strength to overpower and take advantage? I am solely speaking of the men who are placed in a position where a female is taking advantage of his “chivalry” and puts her hands on him expecting him not to reach.
In the household and as a society we are told men in no way should put their hands on a woman but we are not teaching our woman to not to put their hands on a man. Men are taught to be the protector. They are to be strong and to shield their emotions because “men don’t cry”. It is acceptable for a woman to be emotion and to wear her feeling on her sleeves but a man is to keep it together. Why is that??? Are we not all human??? Do they not feel pain, hurt, or sadness??? Does their physical anatomy give them resilience against everything??? How can we hold them up to such standards and yet give our females???
It bothers me watching tv and scrolling through social media and seeing the wide acceptance of or the justification of woman putting their hands and a male but yet the uproar and scrutiny of a man when he reciprocates. Let’s be honest when the video of Solange attacking Jay-Z in the elevator we automatically were like oh he must have done something. She is defending her sister’s honor. Blah blah blah. No one was arrested no one was appalled by her animalistic ways. Everyone was too busy speculating about whether or not he did something to Beyonce’. Talking about his infidelities and so forth. When the situation with Chris Brown and Rihanna came out everyone attacked Chris Brown his records stopped spinning on the radio he was deemed a crazy abusive psychopath. He became the villain his image is tarnished and he’s been living under a microscope ever since. People are telling her she better not get back with him. Celebrities threatening to boycott her if she does. So of course she does and her sales go up and her fanbase increases. Celebrities such as Oprah and Diddy came running to her side. Tons of interviews and tweets about the situation and the court case go viral. No one held her accountable for her part in it. No one scolded her about her initiating the fight by attacking him with her high heels as he was driving. Years later and they get back together once again they are under scrutiny so that doesn’t work.
Then there are videos constantly on social media. The infamous train slap. A woman on the train with her heels in her had antagonizing a man twice her size while her friends sit on the side laughing and hyping her one. She’s in his face, disrespecting him and calling him out his name. For a majority of the video, he says nothing he just stands there will she goes on and on. He finally has enough and calls her a BITCH and proceeds to walk away from her when she raises her shoes and bashes him in the back of the head. Everyone is amused by all these taunting she’s been doing until he turns around and slaps her. Then everyone is jumping up her male friend start fighting him her female friends jump up and start attacking him from the back. Now it becomes an issue how dare this man defend himself, right? Smh no one thought to jump in or say something when she was verbally and physically abusing him. Nope, it was all fun and games then.
You have the Ray Rice elevator incident in which he and his fiancé at the time, whom I might add is now his wife are seen arguing and fighting. It starts off with them arguing and her hitting him as they are going to the elevator. Once on the elevator she hits him again he moves to the other side of the elevator and she charges at him. As she charges towards her he swings a punch she is knocked out to the floor. The elevator doors open and he is seen dragging her out the elevator and laying her on the floor. Hotel security is already there questioning him as she is laid out on the floor. The cops then come and investigate. You see some offices sitting with him speaking and you also see some offices sitting down speaking with her. Based on whatever was said by them the security and the videos both Ray Rice and his fiancé are seen handcuffed and arrested. This is then leaked and becomes public. She becomes the face of domestic violence and he is deemed a monster and is suspended from the football league indefinitely. A press conference is arranged in which they both apologize and the world is appalled. How dare she apology for her part in this. She’s the victim he’s a monster. People are outrage why is she standing by him why is she staying. Who cares if she hit him first. The View is in a debate. Whoopi Goldberg is the judge for stating that a woman should not hit a man and expect that he will not hit back. The rest of the panel is going off “there’s no excuse” “under no circumstances” etc… Ashanti chimes in on Twitter taking Whoopi’s side. Others join in picking sides. Who’s right who’s wrong??? Now I am not defending every man. I do believe that there is a fine line.
As a mother of two boys, I do not teach my children not to hit women/girls. My boys are to treat not just women but everyone with respect. “ Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you” is my motto. I’m raising them to do what is necessary. Try every path and use force as the last resort because your brain is your strongest muscle That combines with your heart is what makes you who you are. Your biggest weapon is your mind and your words so use them wisely. Sometimes that doesn’t always work and you will not always get the respect you deserve but you have to demand it. Always, remember to protect what is yours (yourself, your family/loved ones, and your property). That may sometimes require you to hit back. I instill morals and humanity in my boys. Teach them to respect all life no matter the color, gender, age or species. Species meaning all life whether it is a person, the ant outside on the bench, the plant growing in the park or the squirrels playing in the grass. It’s not always easy when they are in school and out in the world when those around them do not have those same facts taught to them. When little Joshua or little Michelle keeps hitting and invading space. The teacher and parents have been notified but it continues. They have to do what they have to do to survive and sometimes that means to hit back girl or boy. My children are no ones punching bag or target. It’s a two-way street and we need to start reminding our girls/females that what you give is what you get. If you big and bad then be big and bad and expect to get back what you dished out. So when all else fails I tell them to defend themselves. At the end of the day, everything has a purpose and we were all created by God. When everything is all said and done it is God we will have to answer to.