(Please excuse the profanity. This particular set of events brought out some colorful choice of words)
At 4:00am on Monday, my phone starts ringing off the hook. I try to ignore it because why would someone be calling me at this time??? It rings for the 4th time! I finally jump up wiped the crush from my eyes and see who’s calling me. Maybe just maybe it’s an emergency. I pick up the phone eyes all watery and blurry and it’s my dad. So I think maybe he’s sick or something. NOPE!!! He’s calling me to ask me a question that could have been asked anytime prior to me falling asleep or even sometime after 6 am. (My dad functions on vampire hours) Smh so now my sleep has been broken and I can’t turn my brain back off. Finally after tossing and turning for what felt like all eternity I start to drift back off…… BUZZ BUZZ BUZZZ my alarm is going off its 6:15am already and its time to get up. I’m exhausted! I swear it feels like I just closed my eyes. I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom.
Once I get dress I begin to wake Jayden up. Since he’s normally the easiest to get dress and pretty much self-sufficient I tend to always start off with him. He gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he’s in there handling his business I lay out his uniform and shoes for him. I then head to the kitchen to pack his and Princeton’s bags with snacks and juices (it would be the end of the world if they didn’t have a snack and beverage in their bookbags) Now I should have started this off by letting you know that today is Jayden’s first day back to school from his 2 & 1/2 weeks off for spring break. I also should tell you that Princeton has just started his Spring break the Thursday prior and will be off for the entire week. Which means he will be with me at my job all week. So yes if you haven’t put it together yet. Jayden’s school runs on a different schedule and while Prince was in school Jay was out and now Jay is going back and Prince is out. Someone save me. Please! Now, back to me in the kitchen. Jayden comes out dressed and ready for breakfast so I offer to make him a waffle (nothing fancy it’s a week day just Eggos) he declines and instead askes for cereal. OK find. Easy enough, right? Nope!!! I take the bowl out the cabinet and pour his favorite, Frosted Flakes. The whole time he’s standing there watching me. I go to the frig and get the milk. Again he’s standing there watching me. Twist the top off and pour into the bowl of cereal. I twist the top back on and place the gallon of milk back in the refrigerator. He opens his mouth and says “I don’t want milk in my cereal”. (Any other time milk in the cereal would be find) Now, as I said before he was standing in the kitchen with me watching me as a made his cereal. Does anyone reading this see where the frustration comes in??? I say ” Welp, it’s too late you should have spoken up when you saw me pull the milk out. Now sit down and eat this” he immediately starts to cry but goes to sit at the table. Now, he’s all hyperventilating and refusing to eat the cereal. STRIKE TWO for the day. My mother comes out her room and starts questioning me about a million and one things. “Why is he crying?” “Did you check your emails? “Who’s taking Jayden to school?” “Where is Princeton going” “What do you think about this sweater with this dress?” Can you imagine how difficult it is to get yourself and your children ready in the morning with someone following you through the house asking you a million questions? (I just want to have my own thoughts on my head while I get my life right for the day) Let’s not forget Jayden is still sitting at the table crying. I still have to get Princeton up and dressed too. First order of business is to get him out of bed and to the toilet to pee. He refuses to pee stands by the toilet and just starts wailing. Mind you she’s still behind me mouthing away at me. I leave him in the bathroom to handle his business while I go get other things together because I just can’t deal. So now lets recap. My sleep has been interrupted with questions from dad, Mom is walking around the house asking me a million and one questions, Jayden’s crying over a bowl of cereal, and Princeton is in the bathroom standing at the toilet also crying. It’s not even 7 am yet and I’m exhausted and ready to call it quits for the day.
I somehow manage to get me and the boys out the house and then I look in my purse and remembered I forgot to grab the portable projector I needed for my class today. Back upstairs we go. I walk in and grab it she comes out questioning me as to what I’m looking for and we run back out. As we approach the train station I see it says train leaving in one minute. So we start to run. The boys go under the turnstile as I swipe my card and push through. Jayden is running down the stairs ahead of me and Princeton is on the side of me. The doors close but a man holds one of the doors open as his wife is also running down the stairs with us. I catch up to Jayden and as we are about to jump on the train I look to grab Princeton and he’s no where near. He is on the stairs refusing to come any further because he’s scared he’s going to fall down. So I grab Jayden back and we run back up the stairs to grab Princeton I here the train pulling off behind me. Next train comes in 15 minutes. OMG can this morning get any worse? Now, It’s bad enough we left the house late and then had to go back upstairs because I forgot something but we missed the train and the next one isn’t pulling off for another 15 minutes. Jayden is going to be late to school and I am definitely going to be late to work. I hate being late because how you start your day effects the rest of the day.
We finally arrive to Time Square 42nd street to catch the Q train. As we are standing there and I’m trying to cool off by playing a game on my cell phone (Slither.io) I notice Princeton wiggling around out the corner of my eye. I look at him and he starts pointing to the stairs. So I turn to look at the stairs “What Princeton, a rat or something?” He replies “No mama we have to go back upstairs now”. I’m annoyed because I feel like I already know why he’s saying that, but I ask him anyway “Why do we need to go upstairs”. He begins to hold onto his crotch “I have to pee right now!” So I ask him another question that I alreadyknow the answer to “Did you go to the bathroom in the house when I told you to?” He shakes his head “No.” OMFG YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! We are going to miss yet another train and where the hell is there a bathroom in the middle of the train station in TIME SQUARE??? Nope!!! Nope!!! I refuse to even try to look. I scan the area. Fuck it! He’s just going to have to pee in the corner somewhere. I take him behind the stairs. “Jayden you stand on one side of him and I will stand on the other side. Princeton you pull your pants down a little and hurry up and pee before the train comes” I know some of you are reading this and frowning your face in judgement. STOP!!! I Really don’t care what you think because Shit Happens! Desperate times calls for desperate measures and if you was in my situation you would do the same. I know there are some parents out there who have done this before. Anywho his pants is down he’s holding his coat up and he starts to pee but Guess Fucking What…… He is experiencing what I call the “Morning Woody”…. for those of you who are clueless to what that is, it is when a male penis becomes erect during sleep and usually doesn’t go down until after his morning piss. Which if you wonder why the first thing your man does when he wakes up is go to the bathroom this is why and it starts when they are young. If I’m not mistaken my boys started this around 2ish. Any-who, back to this disaster of a morning. So he’s trying to push it down and it’s not going down I even tried to push it down a little but it was not happening. It was like a fire hose on full blast and no one could tame it. So now his pee is shooting up into his coat. I swear this was the longest peeing I’ve ever seen or experience. You would think he hadn’t peed in days. Like Daaaamn!!! How could this little four year old have so much fucking pee in his body? Now the N train is approaching behind us and I’m trying to get him to hurry up before a mob of people come off the train and see him. Finally, he’s done but the bottom of his coat is wet. As he pulls up his pants the Q train pulls in and we rush over and board the train.
Surprisingly there are two seats in the corner so the go sit down. We get off the train it’s now 8:25am. I look down and he has a wet line across his pants from we’re the wet coat was resting across is leg when he was sitting. I’m shocked that we are only 25 minutes late though because it really seemed like we should have been like an hour or so late. Normally the back entrance stays open until 8:30am so we run from the train station to the doors hoping the Security Gaurd is there to let us up, but that would be asking too much right? SMH so we are forced to walk back to the avenue and down the block to the other side. I hate going this way because his classroom is stationed in the back of the building on the 2nd floor so its easier to just go that way and just walk up 1 flight of stairs. This entrance forces me to walk past the security desk, down the stairs, past the coaches offices which are always open (and of course everyone is looking at us smile and saying Goodmorning), and through the lockers to the elevator. It’s like a whole walk of shame you have to do just to get to class when you are late. On top of the fact that he goes to a prestigious school out of outside of our neighborhood and I feel like when we are late we become the stereotype of “black people are always late” “CPT=Colored People Time.” Ugh 😑 I get him to class and head to work with Princeton. I think maybe I’ll take his coat to the cleaners and they can have it ready by the time I get off of work but no the earliest they can have it ready is tomorrow and my baby not about to go home with no coat in this cold weather. I walk into work and one of my students is in the middle of her daily meltdown. She’s 11 but is always crying about something like she’s 1 years old. I look at her and I’m sorry but with the morning I’m having I just can’t deal with her shenanigans. SO I look at her and walk away (not even clocked in yet and she’s coming to me with this crap) I take my coat off and then I placed Princeton’s coat and hang it on the chair by the radiator so that at least it can dry. He’ll smelling like a damn HOBO on our way home but what can I do? When I get off we will pick Jayden up and head home so I can throw both their coats into the washing machine. Mine as well clean them both. Thank God for having a laundry room in the lobby of my building.
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